Crative Happenings

June 22nd 2022

I'm Listening to: Into the Fold by Cursive

I'm feeling: exhausted

I'm playing/watching: Disco Elysium

Well, Its been a solid month since my last update on the blog here, thought I have obviously been writing eslewhere and updating the site- lots has been going on! I have been slowly making more updates to the website that are more technical after the style revamp, so it is a bit more slow and boring. I have some projects I want to get on, and its hard focusing on what! So I have been doing little work and not "big" work like the larger pages on my to-do list.

But outside of that and the random blogs in Coffini Outlet, I have been trying to work on youtube videos too- my plan is to post them as blogs and as videos, and do the se videos maybe once a month. But Its been a long time since I did videos and took video editing seriously, so I am trying to approach this slowly and not rush it because I know I often get stuck in this mindset of rushing things out because I am bad at long term projects...

I am also desperately trying to tackle whether or not medication could help me with my various attention and executive dsyfunction issues... I have avoided seeing a psychiatrist regardless of seeing many therapists (and having a very good one now for almost 3 years), due to old anxieties about how they could interact with my DID. But I have had such good progress in therapy now for the last years that it has given me many skills to handle various issues I never thought I could deal with. Hopefully with that, I can balance any oncoming issues that could happen with meds, but if anything I am more stable in a general sense that handling medication should be fine. Not to say whatever meds I get will do the trick, but the paranoid anxities I had aren't present at all so I hope I can try medications that will help me.

Creating had been such a hassle. I draw still, I create, I write. But managing anything that isn't a one-shot I finish a few days, or a drawing I do in one sitting... it just doesn't fuckin happen. The only reason I have kept up this website is that its not "creative" in the same way? It doesn't take all that juice to make. And I like it, its a nice breather! But I also desperately WANT to make more, I want to write chapters and chapters of a story, I want to make videos, I want to draw for my OCs and stories... I just can't will myself to do it, its so hard. Every day I just feel so exhausted...

So it means a lot that people are taking a look at this site too- I have never worked so hard and consistently on something before and I am still hyped for all that I have planned!

Also-- Artfight is coming! So go follow me there if youd like! its here.