First blog of 2025, neat. i am trying to remind myself to dump more web blogs because i think writing and leaving blogs on my own personal website is cool and should exist. a lot of the time my rambles that could be extended dont even go on my tumblr as i tend to keep talking minimal there. and i dont like talking on twitter, bsky, or instagram... they end up being on my private twitter lol. and while i know i have 2-3 friends who likely see *some* of those tweets, i do feel like its a void where none of my thoughts even get seen and, i feel like posting more here gives better chance for ppl to read them and idk... relate. think about stuff i say. which is exactly what i wish for when i do talk online. even tho i try to keep talking online to a minimum.

anyways. this was a topic i blabbed abt on my private twitter and i just think its interesting as its something i know many ppl have many different expiriences with. sonas. personas, fursonas, whatever kind of "sona". online a sona can have a very broad definition due to the way someone can sheild their rela identity, but the basic definition often defined in a dictionary would be "The role that one assumes or displays in public or society; one's public image or personality, as distinguished from the inner self". maybe its something as simple as using a different name and not giving detail about your IRL self, and/or "branding" yourself around something. but it can also go to the far end of making a visual character for that self/name, and maybe even going so far as to do "acting" as that persona (maybe you type a certain way to "fit" the persona, or have non-human habits with how you present that self in character form).

this kind of behavior is very obviously most associated with fursonas, with how common they are online. fursonas allow a wide range of characterizing oneself because its non-human. even so, the degree of separation can vary... for some people its still very much them maybe even with the same name IRL, and they just have a furry character to visually represent them online. for others (whether sharing the name or not, but often times not) put more into "acting" like the furry. ex. theyre a dog furry and maybe they "role play" a bit of their presence with woofs and talking about dog habits, and give no indication of existing in the real human world when they talk about themself. whatever it is, a (fur)sona is meant to not *just* be you! in one form or another, its rather an extension of yourself with varying degrees of similarity to your true self.

as someone who grew up a furry (though no longer consider myself a "furry", despite making fursonas. i do not consider them something that inherently makes you a furry by identity) i started making fursonas very young, first one was likely when i was 11 or so. she did not share my name online and i didnt see her as literally me... she was a red wolf named Red (creative, i know) with blonde hair and blue eyes and was 16 years old. she was the face i put up to be me online because i was a kid and luckily knew better. i didnt act any different but image wise, thats how i used her. i would draw her to express myself, used her in my icons, requested art of her, etc. my third or fourth fursona (i made a lot of sonas. i think i was still 12 or so when i made my fourth lol) did end up being a more full on identity online-- Cyyco, which was part of my actual username on a new account and was the name of my fursona. i think from then on, my fursona = me online to people i hadnt known prior to that name. i wont go through the whole timeline of my fursonas but my toyhouse folder here shows all my fursonas over time (possibly missing a few).

as a child with Problems my fursonas were heavy projections of my feelings. Cyyco was more edgy than Red. i made a LOT of fursonas at a young age because of my identity being unstable. and it was great-- honestly i think its been such a productive and safe way to indulge in exploring identity in a way that isnt literally *just me*. I wasnt uprooting my life constantly by having explosive feelings and picking a new name IRL to define that moment in time and turn it into me for the foreseeable future (and then do it again a few months later... or feel "stuck" with it and feel bad). This was something i hadnt really thought too hard about though until recently however. and i hadnt thought hard about my intention of Herra being my main fursona right now, while i exist as "morry" separate from it. for a long time my main fursona "morry" shared my name, but had many redesigns that practically made them all separate anyways.

i think what i realize now after using Herra for a couple years and not thinking about the last iteration of the fursona Morry, is how Herra is able to capture a characterized version of my self and my identity that i wanted at certain points and associate with certain important things, without dedicating to that self because i know that truly many of those things can be fantasy of what i thought i wanted, explore what my true self is morally, or were impulsive projections of actions i wanted to make. usually, a new name will come to mind after an event (usually simmer for a while over weeks or months) and i will have some sense of wanting to be different or to change. instead of impulsively giving in to the identity crisis in my present life right then, i take all those thoughts and feelings and make it a fursona, like i had for Herra when i made it some years ago. Or Killer. or Spike. or Rxd. it lets me clearly see who that person that i am feeling like is. Herra was made when i was having some gender-weird moments and also very nostalgic. i made it scene and punk, an unspecified animal (but rat-like for the sort of "im weird to others/ppl dont who i am" vibe), bright and colorful, mentally unstable, etc.

i made it and i said "ok, im IDing with this sona right now" and got my icons, my art, etc etc. it got to be me but not me. and i had a moment where i kinda drifted from feeling connected to Herra which showed me how that phase of my identity crisis and instability was waning after some time. but i still got to "try it on" in a sense. and now, im back to feeling connected with Herra but in a different way. Herra wasnt just a vessel for a version of me that i then went "well now i see what i was feeling and now i see im not really all that". all those impulsive and exaggerated parts of me that i was feeling were still various accurate parts of me. but when i was going through big events and mental shifts it was easy to get caught up in all of it, to where it was maybe way more than what i truly wanted in the long run.

like, Killer is a very sexual sona that projected a lot of those issues when they first came up when i was 18 or so. and i still gladly relate to and enjoy Killer because he embodies things about my sexuality and life that i definitely still do and feel! but hes also an exaggeration of the moment those feelings came to me and are not accurate to who i am now. parts of him that i thought i wanted within me that i now realize i dont. but he contains all of that in him as a fursona separated from me but also not, and maybe when i do have those identity moments i go back to him for it, to re-explore it. fursonas have been like bubbles of my identity through time that i can pick up when i realize im "being" that old fursona i already made feelings for. or make a new one when i realize i need a new vessel of sorts. as time goes on i find myself making less fursonas, and revisiting old ones. and being more self aware of how these feelings come to be and how to process them.

i know people who have in some forms described feelings about changing names and their identities through big changes, that i basically put into fursonas instead. its hard to know if you should dedicate to a new name or all those feelings about Who you really are, and how to deal with feelings of identity instability when they happen every so often. and this isnt to say you cant just go and change your name and see what happens. BUT i think the concept of fursonas being used as a vessel of those things has been helpful for me. and i think people not exposed to the culture of sona making would never have thought about doing anything like it. i would be intrigued to see someone unaccustomed to the culture, go and do this with a mindset that could capture those feelings. my brain works in a fashion of "big event, idk who i am anymore, change yourself right now!" for coping and doing it through some other tool that isnt immediate dedication makes it easier to handle, and also gives me a way to look back at all those moments too. because those versions of me dont go away exactly. its a completely valid experience to feel your identity change in some way and you dont need to throw it out entirely just because you realize you didnt wanna change your name or that those feelings were a "phase".

so. just some thoughts. you dont need to be a furry to make a sona. it doesnt need to be a FURsona. it can be some guy. i think having visuals to a sona can help in reminding yourself its separate from you because it doesnt *look* like you but itll still be an extension of you because you made it up. and you dont need to draw it, it can just be in your head too. you have the power to just... make some guy in your head and i think you should do it if you feel similarly about identities and changing yourself.

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