12-23-2024
Well, this isn't an "end of the year" blog entry but kind of is, as I just feel like looking at the progress Penrose has made as a story in the last year, because its probably the most productive I have been with a project in long time. On one hand... I feel like not much happened this year for me? It was weird. There was some personal work that I needed to do for myself and I think that left a portion of the start of this year feeling pretty empty, because it was serious enough that I didn't do much of anything else. But, I got back on my feet in the summer I think, which is where I started drawing more OC stuff.
Penrose as a story has been on my mind more in the last year because it feels homey and simpler than the larger sci-fi story I have sitting around. It felt easier to look at Penrose and develop it. And with my nostalgia kick in art, it seemed even more fitting to utilize that. Which is where I started Twisted Roots. I had some idea of a 'fake' forum, a static site that was not actually an online forum but had posts as if it were. And initially this had no relation to Penrose, until I tried to figure out what the subject even would be. Then it turned into being part of Penrose, and even then it wasn't supposed to *lead* into the main plot, but I also realized it would be useful if I could use it as a way to lead into the main Penrose story, like a prologue. It is an entirely optional project to read but its there.
The issue with Penrose was for years I just never had a super solid idea of what was going on and who the characters were. To take a look back and see what it *was*... The story started with just Mick and another character, Theo, who I eventually removed and made him his own story. After I took him out, Mick was left alone and for some time she was simply going to be part of a surreal, abstract comic about trauma. What kind of trauma? What from? The setting? I admittedly had nothing for it. I did attempt the comic twice, but failed to finish one after a few pages and it was due to the fact I had no further script. There were no other characters and Mick did not have really any development and so I struggled to do anything for years.
...Even this year, as I got into the story again, it wasn't until the last few months where I really felt like I knew who Mick was. See, the story was still coming together in an admittedly sloppy way. A few years back in 2019 Penrose then dabbled in being a story that would focus on Mick being a fresh college student and likely dealing with an abusive partner, or...something. Then, returning in 2023 (after not touching it at all after 2019 lol) I wanted to refresh it entirely. It was in a small town. I wanted it to feel local, familiar, and nostalgic. I wanted it to capture some themes of feeling stuck in a small town, directionless, etc. This eventually turned into thinking about a small isolated religious town and how religion can affect your outlook and also trap you when enforced in an abusive, unhealthy way. Soon enough Eden got properly introduced into the story, a character who existed elsewhere and has now been converted to this setting.
From there I knew where I needed to go. Whats the town like? Who else lives there? What is religion like? Who led the "cult" that developed? And then a whole load of things to think about for every new character and how they fit into the world. And of course-- what IS the story? What are we following?
My brain had always been stuck on this thought "its about exploring trauma and recovery". Pretty general, when I don't even know *what the trauma is*. I created Mick in 2015 and it is now 2024... uh. 2025. Its been 10 years. A lot of what I wanted to explore as trauma has changed. I went from projecting myself into it actively and wanting to show Mick suffering as I actively was at 16. Then at age 18-20 I wanted to explore the aftermath of my relationship trauma in combination with understanding my new adulthood and lack of direction. Now? Its all different again but if there is one major development its that I have recovered a lot and made a lot of progress personally, and the way I want to tackle it is not so directly... personal. It wont be "dated" because I know I want to explore a variety of things I have gone through but theyre not just me. These characters are their own and the stories you will see from them are not things that happened to me. I did not grow up around religion, for example. The story will still display loads of things I do personally relate to but I am putting them in a way that's still its own thing. I need these characters to exist outside of me because its why I couldn't figure out who they were!
The story is following these character's experiences in this town and how they grew up and now I know WHO they are at long last. Penrose: Dawning is a narrative game I made in 2023, which pushed me to make something for Penrose even if I was not settled with the story. It is no long canon, but making it was a step in the right direction. It forced me to sit down and see if I really knew what to do with the story, and I definitely knew that I did not know enough about my characters still.
Admittedly, I struggled still. I kind of went the rest of 2023 to summer 2024 not figuring out much. I was stumped. I knew what was in Penrose- small town, cult, exploring that and how it affected Eden and Mick. I wrote down some lore but... I did not know who was in charge of that cult, I did not know the main characters' families or friends, I had no sense of a timeline or events. It wasn't until this year that it happened and I was struck with ideas... slowly. I got some more names, I had some timeline for Mick's life, I got some major events. Still, I lacked some stuff to make me feel real strong about them though. It was slow work until the last two months where I now got enough that I am kind of on a roll. The events started adding up one after the next, and while a full outline is far from sorted out, it is much much stronger than ever.
So uhhh what is Penrose gonna BE? This is the question that comes to my mind a lot, and even more because I am even more hype to make it. I have such a solid idea of it now that I want to show it! Putting Twisted Roots to the side, I am not... sure. In my head my "perfect" vision is a video game that is Disco Elysium like in terms of its narrative gameplay system. And this is not impossible-- I would love to make this work through a combination of Narrat and Godot. But I do not have the knowledge for this yet. But I desperately want to create-- I want to do something. I am not sure what and I want to make sure I don't get over ambitious because its what often makes me fail to do what I want. But I do hope I can really start showing something concrete of this story now.
After 10 years on and off it is weird to feel like I really know my characters now, but that is just how it is I guess. I still have a lot of work to do, especially with character designs, but goddamn I have some shit figured out for once.